3 ways to take care of yourself when the abortion debate comes up at work

If you’re not working at Planned Parenthood or some other progressively-minded justice-oriented institution (and even if you are sometimes) you may be working in close proximity to people who don’t really get what abortion access means and therefore may make stupid comments that make you want to scream. 

For much of my life, dating back to elementary school, I remember taking on debates about women’s rights in every space I could. At school, at dance class, at my relative’s home on Thanksgiving—I believed it was part of my responsibility as a feminist to fight in every space, every chance I got. 

Fast forward a few years ;) and I’m still up for that argument at almost all times. However, I’ve become a little more guarded about what I’m willing to invest in a conversation in order to protect myself from unnecessary frustrations. 

This last week was really rough for me—and for my sisters around the country. The national news about restricting access to women’s healthcare darkened my days. More close to home, I (of course) encountered sexist decision making in professional spaces. My personal experiences felt more piercing than usual against the backdrop of what’s happening in our country. Today I’m offering 3 ways to prioritize yourself as a feminist in this enraging world.

When abortion access (or other justice issue that makes your blood boil) comes up at work or in professional spaces, consider this.

  1. You do not have to engage every person who doesn’t get it. Unless he's a lawmaker or planning to be one, the stakes of his opinion may not be so big. Preserve your energy for more impactful arguments (like when you do call your representative and politely ask him SEE YOU AS A PERSON WITH RIGHTS).

  2. Protect yourself. To me conversations about abortion access with people who just don’t get it can feel like an assault. My body tenses up, my heartbeat quickens, and my temperature rises. This is not good for me. Do we need to subject ourselves to that for the cause? What are other ways we could strengthen the movement without putting our bodies into fight or flight mode? Is our mission in life to convert our colleagues? Is the possibility of winning these people over worth whatever stress the conversation puts on us? 

  3. This conversation is probably a hell of a lot more personal for you than it is for the person debating you. If it’s riling you up and they’re sitting there unflustered, consider what it means for your work. At work you have a job to do. How does putting yourself in upsetting conversations impact your performance? If I’m in the bathroom crying while the guy I was debating is presenting our group work in a meeting, who is winning?

This post is certainly not meant to quiet your voice or stop the conversations about this in professional spaces. Rather, this post is here for my enraged but tired allies seeking comfort in their experiences of feeling isolated and maddened in professional spaces while the world debates whether or not women should have the same rights over their bodies as men.

2 insights from a hiring manager for recent college grads

How to stop volunteering for sh*t that isn't yours