I don’t know about you but I really don’t like giving people constructive criticism or negative feedback. I don’t like dealing with possible defensiveness. However, as a manager, a critical part of my role is communicating when people are lacking, when their behavior is unacceptable, and how I can see them improving. Over the years, as I’ve dealt with my own discomfort when giving feedback, I’ve found a way to start the conversation that is supportive and seems to put both me and the person receiving the feedback at ease.
I start the conversation with a strength. I owe this lesson to my mentor who taught me that there is almost always a hidden or overcompensated strength behind every weakness. How do you uncover the strength? When you’re preparing to tell Ana that her socializing is distracting to other staff members, think about the strengths that Ana’s behavior displays. Ana is a social butterfly, she builds rapport with her team very well, and has developed strong relationships with them. Then, celebrate these strengths when you start the conversation with her.
You could say, “Ana, we really appreciate your friendliness and ability to develop strong relationships with other team members. We’re so pleased that you get along with them and enjoy spending time with them. However, during work hours, your socializing is distracting and impacting the productivity of the team. Therefore, we’re asking that you be mindful of and refrain from socializing during work hours, not including lunch. We’re hoping that this conversation will motivate you to change your behavior and that we won’t have to address it again.”
This empathic way of delivering feedback is not any less powerful than a stern, “Ana, stop socializing right now. You’ve been warned.” The approach that I suggest above puts the manager in a position of trying to reframe the weakness as a strength—just too much of that strength. It is wonderful that Ana has strong relationships with her peers. However, we need her to fall back on how much time she spends on those relationships at work.
Starting with a strength is a humble exercise for any manager as she is forced to acknowledge and speak to a talent that the employee has. In the end, the employee feels seen—not just for her mistakes—but for her solid efforts to excel at something.
Have you ever provided feedback by starting with a strength? Tell us about it.